Tuesday, October 9, 2012

From the Shelves: The Snark Handbook

I love a good snark, who doesn't? That perfect punchline to the joke that someone is trying to make you into. Or, maybe just that thing that was missing from the presidential debate last week.
   "The Snark Handbook: A Reference Guide to Verbal Sparring" written by Lawrence Dorfman  defines snark as:

n1: biting wit 2a: a smart ass remark: slylying disparaging  comment 3:bastardization of "snide remark"

adj: Irascible, snappish

More known to the Brits, the epitome of American Snark, in my opinion, is Dorthy Parker. She of "guys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses" and "It's a small flat, I've barely enough room to lay my hat and a few friends". Snark is the smart comeback, but with that edge that borders on someone saying to you, "What a bitch!". Which you know you like, you snarky devil you!
  So, here for your viewing pleasure, some of my favorite passages for  you to use in your daily life.

Snarky Sex

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall"
   -Eleanor Roosevelt-    

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly
    -Mae West-

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
  -Dorthy Parker-

Snarky Relationships

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic, and then give in.

Every time I look at you, I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
  -Oscar Levant-

Man: Your body is like a temple
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Snarky Remarks About Children

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
   -George Burns-

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
  -Rita Rudner-

I can't believe that our of ten thousand sperm, you were the quickest.
  -Steven Pearl-

Being Snarky at Work

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

Some people see things that are ans ask "Why?". Some people dream of the things that never were and ask "Why not?". Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that shit.
  -George Carlin-

Snarking About the Economy and Money

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
  -Dorthy Parker-

A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will:
 "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave you the house and $2 million"
  The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million."
  The lawyer concluded, "And to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will: Well, you are wrong. Hi Dan!"

Snark and Politics, a Beautiful Combination

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
   -Mark Twain-

What do I think of Western civilization? I think that it would be a very good idea.
   -Mahatma Gandhi-

Don't be humble. You're not that great.
  -Golda Meir-

 The snark continues through the book, covering death, music, movies and literature.
  Let's hope our candidates pick up a copy and bring the snark to the next debate. If not now, then when?!

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